


i loved you in spite of deep fears the world would divide us

by orphan_account



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Good Person Carrie Wilson, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Past Relationship(s), Pre-Canon, Prompt Fic, Reconciliation, damn how'd this get dark, should i tag this as unrealistic?, so it's not that dark?, they really only skim over the issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:07:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28462152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Julie, you can't be alone right now," Carrie said, having finally walked into the open stall where Julie was seated on the floor, crying. She could see the state Julie was in, and she knew it wasn't safe for her to be alone."My mind is so loud," Julie said, covering her ears, and Carrie was going to take a step back before Julie uncovered her ears and took her hand, dragging her in, "and I'm scared that it's never going to be quiet again,""What kind of," Carrie wasn't really sure what to say as she crouched down next to her ex-something, "things is your mind saying?""It's not words, not really. It's just...buzzing."
Relationships: Julie Molina & Carrie Wilson, Julie Molina/Carrie Wilson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	i loved you in spite of deep fears the world would divide us

**Author's Note:**

> a slight au in which carrie and julie start rekindling their relationship before the boys show up.

Julie was a lover, through and through. 

She was the picture of the girl next door, the one who saw the good in everyone even when they didn't see it in themselves. 

And Carrie loved that about her. 

So, so, so very much. 

But the thing was, that was _before_. 

That was when they were friends, when Julie's mom was still alive, when Carrie-

No, that's another story. And a long one. 

The point is that Carrie wasn't deserving of any love that Julie had left for her. But that didn't mean that she wasn't going to try. 

"Hey, uh, Julie?" Carrie said, in the science class that they shared together as the final bell rang.

Julie had been packing her beg when she spoke up. She looked up, and Carrie noticed that it looked almost as if she was avoiding rolling her eyes at Carrie. "Yes, Carrie?" 

All the words that Carrie were going to say disappeared into thin air. "What's up?" Was what she said instead. 

"Just," Julie paused, "school and all that. What about you?" 

"Oh you know, just band stuff." 

"You have any gigs coming up?" Julie asked, and seeing Carrie's confused expression, continued, "you know, since you always came to mine. You know, before-"

"Oh," Carrie said, "yeah, Kayla found us this trampoline place that wants us to perform and teach a couple dance lessons at."

"That sounds awesome. And oh, how are you and Kayla doing?" 

"I-what?"

"Aren't you together?" 

Carrie face burned bright red. 

"I think that answers my question," Julie said with a knowing smirk before she walked off. 

***

Julie and Carrie didn't talk for a week after the science class. 

And when they do, it's not exactly under ideal circumstances. 

Carrie finds Julie crying in the bathroom. Alone. At first, she tried to walk around her, guessing that she didn't want to be bothered but apparently not. Apparent for the reason that _Julie started talking to her_. 

"D-do you want me to get Flynn?" 

Julie didn't say anything and at first Carrie thought that she didn't hear her - or want to answer - but then Julie choked up a, "she's busy. I don't want to bother her." 

"Julie, you can't be alone right now," Carrie said, having finally walked into the open stall where Julie was seated on the floor, crying. She could see the state Julie was in, and she knew it wasn't safe for her to be alone. 

"My mind is so loud," Julie said, covering her ears, and Carrie was going to take a step back before Julie uncovered her ears and took her hand, dragging her in, "and I'm scared that it's never going to be quiet again," 

"What kind of," Carrie wasn't really sure what to say as she crouched down next to her ex-something, "things is your mind saying?" 

"It's not words, not really. It's just...buzzing." 

"Ok so, how do we make it stop?" 

"We?" Julie said, looking up into Carrie's eyes for the first time in so long. 

"I know I'm not the person you want, that's Flynn, that's _always_ been Flynn, but I'm here," Carrie said, feeling the tears starting to come into her own eyes. 

"Why are you trying to help me?"

"Don't I owe you an apology?"

Julie let out a laugh, but it was weak. She also ended up choking on her own tears. "I think you owe me a bit more than _an_ apology." 

"That's fair," Carrie said, "it's more than fair really. You deserve more than I could ever give you," 

"Don't say that." 

"Don't say what?" 

"That I deserve-" Julie choked up.

"Love?"

"Yes." 

"But you do,"

"No I don't," Julie sighed, "because love means that people are watching over you, that people care for you, like my dad and Flynn do for me. And I'm not giving them anything in return. I'm just taking and taking and taking."

"Jules," Carrie said, her voice softening, her tone indicative of...something, "Did it ever cross your mind that they're doing these things for you because they _want_ to?" 

"Why would they ever do that?"

Carrie jumped up at that, taking hold of Julie's hand and bringing her with her, "because you're amazing Julie. And I know I've been awful to you, truly, unforgivably so. But I _promise_ that I'm working on it, but even I can see that you're worthy of love. Do you want to know why?"

Julie sighed, not really interested, shaking her wrists out of Carrie's hold. "Why?"

"Because I love you. Even if you don't feel the same, or if I've lost my chance, and I know it's not enough to make everything that hurts go away, but I do." 

"If you love me, why did you hurt me, over and over again?" The tears on Julie's face dried up. 

"You were everything I ever wanted. You had music, you had two parents who cared about you, you had good friends. You had a brother, you got to enjoy both my dad's music and my dad, when he was at his best. I had him at his worst, when he was tired, when the fame started to be too much, when everything with the contracts started...I don't even know. I had to grow up with millions of people watching me, and I didn't have a choice. You just got to spectate. You weren't put on record, forced to create this whole new persona just so the internet would like you. I was jealous of you, Julie. So, so jealous." 

"I never-" 

"Don't," Carrie shook her head. "It doesn't matter what I was going through, I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I actively made you miserable." 

"You did." Julie nodded, "but still, you're not a doll or a machine or something. you're a person, and you shouldn't have been forced to do that." 

"Thanks Jules,"

"Yeah."

"For the record, I loved you too. You made me feel safe. Like I was allowed to be anything I wanted."

"And now?" 

"I'm not so sure." The two girls just stood there, in the bathroom stall, their hands nearly touching, for a second, in silence. "So are you and Kayla together?" 

"No, not really?" 

"Not really?" Julie said with a smirk. 

"It's complicated," Carrie said, "now stop with that look. We're not exclusive or whatever if that's what you're going at." 

"Good to know," 

"Good to know?" Carrie repeated, and now she was the one smirking. 

"Oh for fuc- just kiss me, dimwit." 

"Excuse you, why am I the dimwit?" Carrie asked, just slightly offended, before she did as Julie requested. 

And it was better than Carrie remembered their kisses being. Maybe it was because they were older, or maybe it was the desperation of it all. The fact that they'd probably pretend it never happened the next day. Maybe it was because it was their way of communicating how much they missed each other. 

**Author's Note:**

> apparently all it takes to make carrie nice is seeing the girl she was just a little bit in love with crying.


End file.
